my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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