Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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