I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
