I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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