and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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