I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
