Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
