My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize