Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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