Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
