I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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