she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pooping to opera.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
