It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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