we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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