What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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