last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
