so explain again why im purple
no
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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