We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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