every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
