dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
