my phone needs a breathalizer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize