you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
