I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize