Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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