I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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