You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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