Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i dont even know how to be here
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
