yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
