You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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