okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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