so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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