so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
