Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
