She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
