I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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