Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
