i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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