Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
