whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
