people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
