I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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