Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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