drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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