the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize