Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
