to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize