my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the condom got lost in my hair
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
