I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
