So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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