Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
someone threw a dead crab at me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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