I need help removing her.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
