why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
