I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
