What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
