Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
