I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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