spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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