he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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