Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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