When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
