i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
