It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
