That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
