Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
