I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
