It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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