do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
