Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
