Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize