need another drink. this is the easiest way
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
