I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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