i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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