Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
