Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
