I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
