i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
