"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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