he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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