just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize