Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
