I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
