you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
