just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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