all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
