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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
