just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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