he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
