i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
