So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
