hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
