I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize