so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
